[ He stops short, a sudden desperation in his tone, shooting a startled look at her. He didn't mean it like that. He doesn't know what he means. That's the whole problem. He hunches his shoulder slightly when she punches him, but doesn't react much more than that. It didn't really hurt, but... her words certainly did. And made him realize how hurtful his own words had been. He doesn't think ahead enough, doesn't consider how his feelings are affecting others', and he hates being reminded of this consistent truth in his life by his sister... whom he's hurt again now. It's always someone. But Azula hasn't done anything to deserve it — not that he knows of. Not that he can see proof of. But he doesn't trust his own eyes, and seeing his uncle tonight reminded him that he's not fully confident in his own sense of judgment, that there's a lot he often overlooks, and that Iroh sees more than he does... and so does Azula. He doesn't know whose view to trust over his own. He wants to trust them both. But they can't both guide him — guide him in what one might say are two different directions, but his dilemma is exactly that: can't there be a third direction, a neutral one, one of his own making somehow by balancing these two relationships at once? He doesn't want to give anything up on either end. This was his family. The only family he has. And a loving family, at that. He doesn't doubt that Azula loves him, is loyal to him, but... that it goes by a different measuring system somehow. He gives her a long, pleading look, confused, frowning, before narrowing his eyes deliberatively. ]
...I just wanna be close with you. Both of you. At the same time. I don't know how. But I don't want things to change.
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[ He stops short, a sudden desperation in his tone, shooting a startled look at her. He didn't mean it like that. He doesn't know what he means. That's the whole problem. He hunches his shoulder slightly when she punches him, but doesn't react much more than that. It didn't really hurt, but... her words certainly did. And made him realize how hurtful his own words had been. He doesn't think ahead enough, doesn't consider how his feelings are affecting others', and he hates being reminded of this consistent truth in his life by his sister... whom he's hurt again now. It's always someone. But Azula hasn't done anything to deserve it — not that he knows of. Not that he can see proof of. But he doesn't trust his own eyes, and seeing his uncle tonight reminded him that he's not fully confident in his own sense of judgment, that there's a lot he often overlooks, and that Iroh sees more than he does... and so does Azula. He doesn't know whose view to trust over his own. He wants to trust them both. But they can't both guide him — guide him in what one might say are two different directions, but his dilemma is exactly that: can't there be a third direction, a neutral one, one of his own making somehow by balancing these two relationships at once? He doesn't want to give anything up on either end. This was his family. The only family he has. And a loving family, at that. He doesn't doubt that Azula loves him, is loyal to him, but... that it goes by a different measuring system somehow. He gives her a long, pleading look, confused, frowning, before narrowing his eyes deliberatively. ]
...I just wanna be close with you. Both of you. At the same time. I don't know how. But I don't want things to change.