rediscovering: (bad at being good)
Prince Zuko πŸ”₯ η₯–ε―‡ ([personal profile] rediscovering) wrote in [personal profile] unstable 2021-06-22 07:35 am (UTC)

[ Zuko snaps to attention as soon as he hears Azula fussing with the lock outside the door, before it's even opened, his breath hitching. He's nervous. This grand gesture of apology can either go well... or up in flames. But this isn't a "fail or succeed" situation, though his black-and-white traumatized brain sorts most situations into that category. This is just a conversation, if Azula's open to it. But more than that, what he's trying to achieve β€” trying to practice β€” is genuine empathy and altruism, putting others before himself, imagining what would she like to make a night all about Azula... It's still stilted, still a bit off-kilter in the underlying logic; and still self-serving in a way in how he does this, because innately it's not considering that Azula may not want to have any conversation, may not want this sudden hyperfocused attention of his turned to her for once. And he's still not quite able to step into her shoes enough to realize he just threw away like a couple hundred bucks on flowers she probably doesn't care about. But girls like pretty things, and Azula's still a girl? Girls like flowers, as he understands it? Flowers are romantic, right? Uncle always said they brighten a room and improve one's mood to have something beautiful in the home like that, encouraged them to have flowers in their house in the same breath he was encouraging Zuko to start bringing girls home, when they were living in Ba Sing Se. So he's connecting some dots here, even if it's a bit shoehorned... And Aerith told him that flowers have a secret language, that particular arrangements can say things words can't, so while he knows for Azula as much as himself these all just look the same to them, just flowers, knowing he has ones that other people who are more in the know than they are have deemed to represent remorse and regret and apology... makes him feel better. Casual as he's making this dramatic move out to be, maybe he'll find a way to slip that fun fact into conversation; and slip in the fact that he paid money, this was not thievery or charity.

But again, even if he does find a way to mention it β€” Azula still might not care about the thought he put into that symbolic gesture, because the symbolism was ultimately more comforting for him, even though he's thinking it's all for her. But he's trying... He's never tried as hard as this to be forgiven, barring, y'know, scouring the globe for three years for the longlost Avatar, uh. But that doesn't count, quite. Nor do his series of adventures gaining Team Avatar's trust. Something intimate, personal like this... the closest was begging forgiveness from Iroh, but Zuko barely had to beg. Iroh didn't even let him carry on with the spiel he'd planned when they reunited at the White Lotus camp, interrupted him with a hug without a hint of anger, so he barely had to try at all to be forgiven by his uncle for his greatest regrets. But this... was harder. While the regret may not be as deep as it'd been with Iroh, the audience tonight is... a lot tougher. It's difficult for Zuko to shift his focal points and perspectives; he's in a certain sense kind of innately self-centered, although in a rather neutral way often, even in trying to act selflessly, the way he goes about that act just comes right back to that trait of his, for better or worse. But he's making a big step here, he thinks. Kid's putting his best foot forward, man, he is...

He stands when she speaks to him, leaving his phone aside immediately, awkwardly standing stiff and straight in the middle of the room to respond. He looks like a soldier whose sergeant just walked in β€” so much for seeming chill about all this... ]


Hi, Azula. How are you? I cleaned the house. And there's a bath drawn for you. Your special water is in the fridge. A-And, uh, I ordered those spicy dumplings we liked! The ones that reminded us of home, from that Chinese placeβ€”! But they're being slow, the delivery guy's late... Maybe the rain...

[ He trails off, grumbling and mumbling, rubbing his neck nervously at the snag in his plan from the late delivery. Clearly the way he speaks, though, even just starting with "Hi, Azula. How are you?" for crying out loud, he's indeed planned all of that out word for word. He rehearsed a million openings and false conversations out loud while he was cleaning, trying to get a sense for what's the best way to present all this grandiosity, and decided the best approach was just to act very casual about it. So he doesn't even mention the flowers. Yet still for all his planning, "Hi, Azula. How are you?" was what he landed on...? Because it sounds familiar and off-hand and yet is also showing right away he's interested in her wellbeing β€” that's the lengthy reasoning that led him there, after many other openings he tried out and picked to shreds overanalyzing. He's coming off far more formal than he thinks, though, in his delivery, because he's jittery from rehearsing this moment too much. And probably coming off far more awkward, too. But down to the last detail, the thought is there β€” however bewildering the thought that's there may be to her. ]

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