unstable | avalon inbox.

why do i have to choose here though?! thats not fair azula!! this isnt home things are different now it doesnt have to be like that anymore!!

Is that a promise, Zuko? That you won't abandon me?

abandon you?!! how can you say that??!

Promise me.

after everything that's happened...... everything that's changed..... i cant believe you feel the need to ask me that??? you think i'd just drop you and disappear like it was all for naught and just go back to how it was before we got here?!!

If that truly is what your response to me is going to be then I am done with this conversation.

no dont go youre not being fair
i wouldnt abandon you after all we've been through, how can you think that i would
especially because of uncle
i shouldnt have to pick sides here......

I'm not being fair? I've always been left behind. I've never been anyone's first choice. Is it that hard to make a simple promise to me or do you know, deep down, that if he tells you to wean yourself of me you'll do it?

why should it be an ultimatum? why is it black and white? why jump to the extreme assumption? it doesnt need to be like that anymore!!! you arent alone! and i dont want you to be alone! abandonment is a harsh word, like you dont trust how close we've grown despite everything...... everything, even before these crazy places!!
i dont want to go back to that again azula
i dont know what to do but things aren't like they were at home
i like things better how they are now
we're family....

I only asked you for two words.

azula
trust me

I don't know how.

if thats the case then what difference does saying "i promise" make? you dont trust me enough to know the answer you should already know.
ive put so much trust in you, put so much behind us, forgiven so much
can't you see i already have promised......?!

Why aren't you here?

i went to the inn..... thats where i found uncle
im on my way home

Be quicker about it.

[ she's an anxious paranoid mess now, thanks. ]

fine.

[ He won’t. He’ll come in his own time. Maybe or maybe not out of spite cuz he’s an angry mess as always... ]

[ It takes him longer than expected. He has to process some of this on the way home. It’s distressing and puts a damper on his wonderful reunion with Iroh. But it’s not a conversation he wants to leave on that note with Azula... So by the time he’s arrived, he’s decided to try and smooth things over. When he comes in, he’s unusually quiet and gentle in his movements, the door barely clicking instead of the slam that usually announces his presence. There’s a tension in the air already, or at least his own perceived tension. He’s on edge now that he’s actually home with her.

When he finds her, he walks up behind where she sits with soft steps. He reaches to wrap his arms around her shoulders right away, and leans in to kiss the top of her head gingerly from behind. He pays no mind to whether or not she wants this, does not consider that she might be too upset for this, no thought of whether or not she wants to be touched by him after such a stressful conversation. His one track mind is focused on smoothing it over. That’s it. This is his direct, simple, thoughtful yet somehow so thoughtless attempt to appease her. Leaning on their physicality is the best he can think of, his words failing him. He’s already said enough to upset her, after all. ]

[ Azula had thought about disappearing before he showed up, unnerved that he hadn't pieced together why she was so concerned about Iroh's arrival. It was unfair, she had to acclimate to this whole new world while Zuko was constantly being bombarded with friends and loved ones that made his adjustment easier. She had to start all over, again, this time with Zuko the only one at her side, constantly worried he'd want to put distance between them so their relationship could resemble something more... appropriate? What did he say about her to their uncle? She knew he'd never want to disappoint him, fearful that his presence alone would cut their affections off entirely so Iroh would never have to question any heated glances between them.

But she stays, feeling foolish as she waits for him, arms wrapped around legs after deciding to stop harassing him with texts. He's quiet and seemingly calm when he enters, no anger in his touch as he leans down. Her breathing stills, uncertain if she herself was calm enough to accept his attempt at soothing her. Azula tilts her head back as she snakes her hands into his dark hair, stealing a kiss before she thinks too hard about it. ]

[ He's relieved to feel her hands reach for him, and leans into the kiss, eyes closed at first, but he opens them when he deepens the kiss for just a moment, wanting to see her before their lips part. He has a very serious expression on when he pulls away, something tenuous and something tender too, but the softness in his gaze somewhat counteracts his scowl. Azula can read him better than anyone, after all, and he knows that.

He unwraps himself from her and comes round to the other side of the couch to join her, idly placing his hand gingerly on her head and letting it drift away as he walks off. He comes and takes his seat beside her, open form, legs spread, settling into a corner with his back straight against the couch. The impression given off by Zuko taking up so much space as he arrives compared to Azula hugging herself alone, would be ironic, if it didn't already speak to something deep and true in their body language. Zuko did have more comfort; and there's power in that. He doesn't value that enough.

He turns to her with that same complex expression, but doesn't say anything, just stays silent, cuz he's an awkward jerk. ]

[ Any other time perhaps she'd be relieved at how comfortable Zuko does seem, especially around her. They've certainly come a long way from when they arrived in Lunatia, miserable and lonely, appreciative of how easy it seems he can touch her now, no hesitation and filled with warmth. Even now as his hand leaves her she finds herself leaning into it until his fingers are gone completely, feeling its absence the longer she gets to just stare at him from the other side of the couch.

Her golden eyes leave his, glancing down at her hands as she picks at her nailbeds, burying her chin into her knees as she settles into herself more now that Zuko put so much distance between them. ]

I do not know what reaction you were expecting out of me.

I wasn't. I just spoke my mind.

[ While his touch may be warm, his tone of voice is not. There's an edge intentionally softened, but even that's audible. He'd not really thought about what her reaction might be — he so seldom does, with most anyone. He is earnest truly to a fault, not for a lack of empathy, but for an excess of focus, perhaps. An excess of conviction. He doesn't see a problem with what he's said, doesn't think he's been unkind... But at the same time, even if he hadn't, he also doesn't want to be unkind or say something problematic now, either. He knows he's upset her and that much he doesn't like. Expectations? That's beyond him. That's too close to "solutions," even further beyond him. But he's relieved just to sit together, even if so far apart. ]

[ His answer makes her laugh out loud, like she had completely forgotten that Zuko just bumbles through life without a care for anyone else. It seemed that even with all their time spent together he still had a hard time understanding her at all, a barrier that even now couldn't be brought down. Azula rolls her head back, resting it against the couch cushion as she peers up at the wall, keeping her knees tight against her. ]

I want nothing to do with him. I would object and say neither should you, but I know that would only fall on deaf ears.

[ She at least had convinced herself separating the pair of them for a second time would be nearly impossible, but trying to nurture a relationship between herself and her uncle was never going to happen. ]

Why? It's a new start, Azula. Uncle and I both believe in second chances — so should you.

[ Indeed, an inseparable pair again. Even in the times they'd been separated, inside Zuko was eating himself. It was hard to believe her when she tried to convince him Iroh had betrayed Zuko, not the other way around; he felt so conflicted then, and she knew how tortured he was. His reunion with their uncle long after the fact had impacted him so deeply, so permanently, and having never made it to his fateful Agni Kai with Azula, that touching renunion was Zuko's very last memory from home — something he'd never told Azula about. For it, too, would fall on deaf ears, he felt. But just as Zuko and Azula had nothing to fight about with the absence of war and competition, he's bothered and confused why neither Azula nor Iroh seem willing to bury the hatchet. Iroh had already expressed earlier this same night his skepticism about trusting Azula. It hurt Zuko to hear it, always trusting his uncle's wisdom somewhere inside. But he tried tooth and nail to convince Iroh that Azula had changed, that peace was an option. But clearly, it's only an option Zuko wants — if only for himself, even if he can claim it's for family's sake. ]

Uncle believes in second chances for you.

[ He chose his favorite of Ozai's children, there's no doubt about that. Iroh had plenty of time to have a relationship with her had he wanted one, she has no interest in changing that now just because Zuko batted his pretty eyelashes at her. In the end, it was probably best that they avoided each other lest their Uncle catch wind of something he shouldn't-- Zuko was like an open book, having Iroh be mildly concerned for his well-being was better than the alternative. ]

He's going to insist you separate yourself from me, you know this. In fact, I am surprised you're not packing your things now.

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