unstable | avalon inbox.

You know that was different — that was about the Avatar... About Father, the war! Now it's just us.

[ He takes a deep breath, sighing, trying to keep his composure better for her sake at the "chore" comment. It's not. He wants to talk about their feelings. They don't do that enough; they can't. But now's the time if ever. ]

It was about us before too, Zuko. I had put a lot on the line to bring you back to my side and I worked so hard to keep you there.

[ There was only a little ulterior motive there, it wouldn't be Azula if there wasn't, but she had wanted her brother back in the castle with her. Him leaving started the maddening spiral of her life, but he had no idea of any of that-- aside from how badly she had wanted to kill him, of course. That dark emotion still lingered, although now it had twisted into something warped and wild that they'd managed to keep under control together. ]

If anyone is going to get you to second guess what you're doing with me, it'll be our Uncle.

[ He glares at her, her words stinging exactly as he knew she knew they would. It's not hard to make Zuko secondguess himself; that's not hard to learn about him, even for those who haven't known him all his life. He holds his heated eye contact silently for a moment, before breaking it pointedly with a castaway glance to the side when he fails to come up with an answer he likes — with an answer she'd like. ]

...There's no catch this time, Azula. Is there?

[ He glances back to her, leaning forward a bit, animating himself. ]

"All that glory would turn to shame~!"

[ He puts on airs as if he's impersonating her voice, raising his octave without raising his volume, her words etched in his memory like a scar of their own. He glowers, pausing before he settles back into the couch cushions sulkily. ]

I want to believe it's not like that anymore, and that it won't go back to that, either. I want to trust you— I'm trying to trust you... What we have—... We're family now — right? We're just there for each other now, because we want to be. That's it— right?

[ He was always right to distrust her, she wouldn't fault him for that-- but since they'd arrived on Lunatia together, she never once lied to him. It was unfair for him to bring up their past now when they were so far removed from it, when she had tried her best to embrace their new relationship and forget what it'd be like whenever she finally was sent home to the Fire Nation. ]

I'm not sure how this turned into a question of my honesty and loyalty to you. You were with him for one day and already you're doubting me and analyzing my every word. Do you truly think there is a catch-- after all this?

[ He's stopped looking at her and she'll make him regret it, balling one of her hands into a fist to punch his upper arm. ]

N-No, I don't, I just—!

[ He stops short, a sudden desperation in his tone, shooting a startled look at her. He didn't mean it like that. He doesn't know what he means. That's the whole problem. He hunches his shoulder slightly when she punches him, but doesn't react much more than that. It didn't really hurt, but... her words certainly did. And made him realize how hurtful his own words had been. He doesn't think ahead enough, doesn't consider how his feelings are affecting others', and he hates being reminded of this consistent truth in his life by his sister... whom he's hurt again now. It's always someone. But Azula hasn't done anything to deserve it — not that he knows of. Not that he can see proof of. But he doesn't trust his own eyes, and seeing his uncle tonight reminded him that he's not fully confident in his own sense of judgment, that there's a lot he often overlooks, and that Iroh sees more than he does... and so does Azula. He doesn't know whose view to trust over his own. He wants to trust them both. But they can't both guide him — guide him in what one might say are two different directions, but his dilemma is exactly that: can't there be a third direction, a neutral one, one of his own making somehow by balancing these two relationships at once? He doesn't want to give anything up on either end. This was his family. The only family he has. And a loving family, at that. He doesn't doubt that Azula loves him, is loyal to him, but... that it goes by a different measuring system somehow. He gives her a long, pleading look, confused, frowning, before narrowing his eyes deliberatively. ]

...I just wanna be close with you. Both of you. At the same time. I don't know how. But I don't want things to change.

[ The princess slips off the couch so she can pace around the room, uncomfortable with the looks Zuko keeps giving her. Nothing he was saying was easing her suspicions, an outcome she'd have to start to accept as a possible reality. ]

I was not foolish enough to approach this conversation expecting you to cease your relationship with our Uncle, but he was very quick to put doubts in your head. I've traveled two worlds with you, what does he have?

[ She stands behind the couch, putting her hands on the back of it, fingers digging into the cushions. ]

I'm not changing anything.

Okay, well— good...

[ He's ill at ease with her behind him like that, glancing at her from over his shoulder uncomfortably, shifting in his seat to tense up unconsciously. ]

...So nothing changes. We agree.

[ Azula lets out an exaggerated sigh, hunching forward so she can drape her arms around Zuko's shoulders, squeezing him as she rests her cheek atop his head. It's affectionate even if the words that follow are very clearly not. ]

If you ever leave me, I'll make you regret it.

[ He makes a strange scowl as she affectionately drapes her arms about him, confused, uncertain what to expect, but feels a certain sense of relief at her harsh words, which draw a wry humorous smirk to his face. They're so backwards. ]

I don't plan on it. Don't worry.

[ He leans back into the cushion, tilting his head up to turn to her expectantly, hoping for a kiss to fill his lack of comforting words. ]

[ She peeks down at him, quiet for a long moment, still deciding if he deserved another kiss after their conversation didn't come to quite a satisfying end. In the end, she cannot resist him, lips finding his, soft and tender, eyes closing as she pushes into it in an attempt to find relief in their shared kiss instead of his words. ]

Come to bed with me.

[ Azula murmurs against his mouth before she slowly peels away, bumping her nose against his at the last minute before moving toward the bedroom. Just let her sleep off the paranoia. ]

[ Zuko welcomes the kiss, relieved to end this unsatisfying conversation. It's been so much easier not to fight since they've started touching each other like this, because so much can be glossed over with a kiss, distract from escalating an argument... That feels like progress with Azula to Zuko, compared to physically fighting, shooting fire at each other and narrowly evading death at each other's hands many times. Zuko's come to realize that if she'd truly wanted to, Azula could have killed him so many times back home; but instead, the way she fought him... was it cathartic for her, he wonders now? So offering her literally any other sense of catharsis seems good, feels good, even if he has reservations, his own paranoia. Iroh in particular is good at stirring those up, even here, apparently. But right now, the feeling of avoidance is mistaken for the feeling of resolution, and the prince is just relieved to not be inviting a fight, to seal it off with a kiss. Simple.

He gives a short nod when she speaks, smiling softly to himself when their noses bump as she walks away ahead of him, his endearment unseen as he watches after her a lingering moment before standing and following behind Azula. ]

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wanna wrap up here? or continue for a tender moment? down for whatever~