unstable | avalon inbox.

I don't know how.

if thats the case then what difference does saying "i promise" make? you dont trust me enough to know the answer you should already know.
ive put so much trust in you, put so much behind us, forgiven so much
can't you see i already have promised......?!

Why aren't you here?

i went to the inn..... thats where i found uncle
im on my way home

Be quicker about it.

[ she's an anxious paranoid mess now, thanks. ]

fine.

[ He won’t. He’ll come in his own time. Maybe or maybe not out of spite cuz he’s an angry mess as always... ]

[ It takes him longer than expected. He has to process some of this on the way home. It’s distressing and puts a damper on his wonderful reunion with Iroh. But it’s not a conversation he wants to leave on that note with Azula... So by the time he’s arrived, he’s decided to try and smooth things over. When he comes in, he’s unusually quiet and gentle in his movements, the door barely clicking instead of the slam that usually announces his presence. There’s a tension in the air already, or at least his own perceived tension. He’s on edge now that he’s actually home with her.

When he finds her, he walks up behind where she sits with soft steps. He reaches to wrap his arms around her shoulders right away, and leans in to kiss the top of her head gingerly from behind. He pays no mind to whether or not she wants this, does not consider that she might be too upset for this, no thought of whether or not she wants to be touched by him after such a stressful conversation. His one track mind is focused on smoothing it over. That’s it. This is his direct, simple, thoughtful yet somehow so thoughtless attempt to appease her. Leaning on their physicality is the best he can think of, his words failing him. He’s already said enough to upset her, after all. ]

[ Azula had thought about disappearing before he showed up, unnerved that he hadn't pieced together why she was so concerned about Iroh's arrival. It was unfair, she had to acclimate to this whole new world while Zuko was constantly being bombarded with friends and loved ones that made his adjustment easier. She had to start all over, again, this time with Zuko the only one at her side, constantly worried he'd want to put distance between them so their relationship could resemble something more... appropriate? What did he say about her to their uncle? She knew he'd never want to disappoint him, fearful that his presence alone would cut their affections off entirely so Iroh would never have to question any heated glances between them.

But she stays, feeling foolish as she waits for him, arms wrapped around legs after deciding to stop harassing him with texts. He's quiet and seemingly calm when he enters, no anger in his touch as he leans down. Her breathing stills, uncertain if she herself was calm enough to accept his attempt at soothing her. Azula tilts her head back as she snakes her hands into his dark hair, stealing a kiss before she thinks too hard about it. ]

[ He's relieved to feel her hands reach for him, and leans into the kiss, eyes closed at first, but he opens them when he deepens the kiss for just a moment, wanting to see her before their lips part. He has a very serious expression on when he pulls away, something tenuous and something tender too, but the softness in his gaze somewhat counteracts his scowl. Azula can read him better than anyone, after all, and he knows that.

He unwraps himself from her and comes round to the other side of the couch to join her, idly placing his hand gingerly on her head and letting it drift away as he walks off. He comes and takes his seat beside her, open form, legs spread, settling into a corner with his back straight against the couch. The impression given off by Zuko taking up so much space as he arrives compared to Azula hugging herself alone, would be ironic, if it didn't already speak to something deep and true in their body language. Zuko did have more comfort; and there's power in that. He doesn't value that enough.

He turns to her with that same complex expression, but doesn't say anything, just stays silent, cuz he's an awkward jerk. ]

[ Any other time perhaps she'd be relieved at how comfortable Zuko does seem, especially around her. They've certainly come a long way from when they arrived in Lunatia, miserable and lonely, appreciative of how easy it seems he can touch her now, no hesitation and filled with warmth. Even now as his hand leaves her she finds herself leaning into it until his fingers are gone completely, feeling its absence the longer she gets to just stare at him from the other side of the couch.

Her golden eyes leave his, glancing down at her hands as she picks at her nailbeds, burying her chin into her knees as she settles into herself more now that Zuko put so much distance between them. ]

I do not know what reaction you were expecting out of me.

I wasn't. I just spoke my mind.

[ While his touch may be warm, his tone of voice is not. There's an edge intentionally softened, but even that's audible. He'd not really thought about what her reaction might be — he so seldom does, with most anyone. He is earnest truly to a fault, not for a lack of empathy, but for an excess of focus, perhaps. An excess of conviction. He doesn't see a problem with what he's said, doesn't think he's been unkind... But at the same time, even if he hadn't, he also doesn't want to be unkind or say something problematic now, either. He knows he's upset her and that much he doesn't like. Expectations? That's beyond him. That's too close to "solutions," even further beyond him. But he's relieved just to sit together, even if so far apart. ]

[ His answer makes her laugh out loud, like she had completely forgotten that Zuko just bumbles through life without a care for anyone else. It seemed that even with all their time spent together he still had a hard time understanding her at all, a barrier that even now couldn't be brought down. Azula rolls her head back, resting it against the couch cushion as she peers up at the wall, keeping her knees tight against her. ]

I want nothing to do with him. I would object and say neither should you, but I know that would only fall on deaf ears.

[ She at least had convinced herself separating the pair of them for a second time would be nearly impossible, but trying to nurture a relationship between herself and her uncle was never going to happen. ]

Why? It's a new start, Azula. Uncle and I both believe in second chances — so should you.

[ Indeed, an inseparable pair again. Even in the times they'd been separated, inside Zuko was eating himself. It was hard to believe her when she tried to convince him Iroh had betrayed Zuko, not the other way around; he felt so conflicted then, and she knew how tortured he was. His reunion with their uncle long after the fact had impacted him so deeply, so permanently, and having never made it to his fateful Agni Kai with Azula, that touching renunion was Zuko's very last memory from home — something he'd never told Azula about. For it, too, would fall on deaf ears, he felt. But just as Zuko and Azula had nothing to fight about with the absence of war and competition, he's bothered and confused why neither Azula nor Iroh seem willing to bury the hatchet. Iroh had already expressed earlier this same night his skepticism about trusting Azula. It hurt Zuko to hear it, always trusting his uncle's wisdom somewhere inside. But he tried tooth and nail to convince Iroh that Azula had changed, that peace was an option. But clearly, it's only an option Zuko wants — if only for himself, even if he can claim it's for family's sake. ]

Uncle believes in second chances for you.

[ He chose his favorite of Ozai's children, there's no doubt about that. Iroh had plenty of time to have a relationship with her had he wanted one, she has no interest in changing that now just because Zuko batted his pretty eyelashes at her. In the end, it was probably best that they avoided each other lest their Uncle catch wind of something he shouldn't-- Zuko was like an open book, having Iroh be mildly concerned for his well-being was better than the alternative. ]

He's going to insist you separate yourself from me, you know this. In fact, I am surprised you're not packing your things now.

Azula, stop it – I'm not abandoning you, all right?! I'm right here, aren't I?!

[ The accusation makes him bristle again. He's shortsighted and reactive and earnest, and these things can often play well on their own — but not together. Together, it just makes him angry and dismissive even while he's being affectionate and reassuring, or so he thinks he is. He knows it's not that simple for Azula and Iroh. But it's not like it was simple for him and Azula, either. Or for him and Iroh, for that matter. Theirs was not a simple family; but indeed a dynamic one, for better or worse, individually or... not; "together" is a word that'd stretch it a bit, after all. ]

[ At this point, she'd almost prefer being back on Lunatia. At least no one from their world had invaded it in the time they'd been there aside from those from a far-off future she could barely muster enough feelings to care about, but now these idiots were crawling all over the place. ]

There is no need to raise your voice.

[ She was right here, too. Azula rolls her head to the side to watch him despite knowing better. ]

I just expect history to repeat itself.

Why. Everything's different now. Why would "history repeat itself?"

[ He's annoyed, rolling his eyes right back and presses between his eyes with his fingertips in frustration. ]

Is it a chore for you to talk with me like this?

[ Because he didn't understand. Even when she thought they were in-tune, it was clear that they'd always be unable to be on the same wavelength when it came to their family, their world. Things were only different because they only had each other for so long, but now that it was clear his friends and his Uncle were here to stay-- how long would it last? How long would he keep choosing her? ]

Would you rather I not share my feelings with you? I thought I had given you everything once before, and you'd chosen to leave then. What is the difference now?

You know that was different — that was about the Avatar... About Father, the war! Now it's just us.

[ He takes a deep breath, sighing, trying to keep his composure better for her sake at the "chore" comment. It's not. He wants to talk about their feelings. They don't do that enough; they can't. But now's the time if ever. ]

It was about us before too, Zuko. I had put a lot on the line to bring you back to my side and I worked so hard to keep you there.

[ There was only a little ulterior motive there, it wouldn't be Azula if there wasn't, but she had wanted her brother back in the castle with her. Him leaving started the maddening spiral of her life, but he had no idea of any of that-- aside from how badly she had wanted to kill him, of course. That dark emotion still lingered, although now it had twisted into something warped and wild that they'd managed to keep under control together. ]

If anyone is going to get you to second guess what you're doing with me, it'll be our Uncle.

[ He glares at her, her words stinging exactly as he knew she knew they would. It's not hard to make Zuko secondguess himself; that's not hard to learn about him, even for those who haven't known him all his life. He holds his heated eye contact silently for a moment, before breaking it pointedly with a castaway glance to the side when he fails to come up with an answer he likes — with an answer she'd like. ]

...There's no catch this time, Azula. Is there?

[ He glances back to her, leaning forward a bit, animating himself. ]

"All that glory would turn to shame~!"

[ He puts on airs as if he's impersonating her voice, raising his octave without raising his volume, her words etched in his memory like a scar of their own. He glowers, pausing before he settles back into the couch cushions sulkily. ]

I want to believe it's not like that anymore, and that it won't go back to that, either. I want to trust you— I'm trying to trust you... What we have—... We're family now — right? We're just there for each other now, because we want to be. That's it— right?

[ He was always right to distrust her, she wouldn't fault him for that-- but since they'd arrived on Lunatia together, she never once lied to him. It was unfair for him to bring up their past now when they were so far removed from it, when she had tried her best to embrace their new relationship and forget what it'd be like whenever she finally was sent home to the Fire Nation. ]

I'm not sure how this turned into a question of my honesty and loyalty to you. You were with him for one day and already you're doubting me and analyzing my every word. Do you truly think there is a catch-- after all this?

[ He's stopped looking at her and she'll make him regret it, balling one of her hands into a fist to punch his upper arm. ]

N-No, I don't, I just—!

[ He stops short, a sudden desperation in his tone, shooting a startled look at her. He didn't mean it like that. He doesn't know what he means. That's the whole problem. He hunches his shoulder slightly when she punches him, but doesn't react much more than that. It didn't really hurt, but... her words certainly did. And made him realize how hurtful his own words had been. He doesn't think ahead enough, doesn't consider how his feelings are affecting others', and he hates being reminded of this consistent truth in his life by his sister... whom he's hurt again now. It's always someone. But Azula hasn't done anything to deserve it — not that he knows of. Not that he can see proof of. But he doesn't trust his own eyes, and seeing his uncle tonight reminded him that he's not fully confident in his own sense of judgment, that there's a lot he often overlooks, and that Iroh sees more than he does... and so does Azula. He doesn't know whose view to trust over his own. He wants to trust them both. But they can't both guide him — guide him in what one might say are two different directions, but his dilemma is exactly that: can't there be a third direction, a neutral one, one of his own making somehow by balancing these two relationships at once? He doesn't want to give anything up on either end. This was his family. The only family he has. And a loving family, at that. He doesn't doubt that Azula loves him, is loyal to him, but... that it goes by a different measuring system somehow. He gives her a long, pleading look, confused, frowning, before narrowing his eyes deliberatively. ]

...I just wanna be close with you. Both of you. At the same time. I don't know how. But I don't want things to change.

[ The princess slips off the couch so she can pace around the room, uncomfortable with the looks Zuko keeps giving her. Nothing he was saying was easing her suspicions, an outcome she'd have to start to accept as a possible reality. ]

I was not foolish enough to approach this conversation expecting you to cease your relationship with our Uncle, but he was very quick to put doubts in your head. I've traveled two worlds with you, what does he have?

[ She stands behind the couch, putting her hands on the back of it, fingers digging into the cushions. ]

I'm not changing anything.

Okay, well— good...

[ He's ill at ease with her behind him like that, glancing at her from over his shoulder uncomfortably, shifting in his seat to tense up unconsciously. ]

...So nothing changes. We agree.

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wanna wrap up here? or continue for a tender moment? down for whatever~